If you have followed my blog for a while, you know that I miscarried back in June. I've had a really rough couple of months. I had to come to the realization that it's okay to be devastated, even if you were "only" 7 weeks pregnant. Especially if you began planning for your baby as soon as you saw the 2nd line on the test, as I did. It's been 3 1/2 months, and I have yet to pull out the serger that I bought to make cloth diapers and slings on. It's been the one thing that I've been able to control facing, and I just haven't faced it yet.
October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. At 7pm ( all time zones ), around the world, women will be lighting candles in remembrance of their lost little ones. From the 6 week miscarried baby, to the full term stillborn baby, to the infant who died of SIDS. For more information go to: www.October15th.com
I almost didn't share this, because it will probably seem like a very silly thing to do since I was "only" 7 weeks pregnant. But I really wanted to name the baby that we lost. My husband and I, both separately, really have a strong feeling that the baby was a boy. I asked him last week to start thinking of names, and help me with this. Tonight we talked about it, and found a name for our baby.
Nehemiah is a biblical name and means "Comforter". Cian is an Irish name and means "Enduring". I really wanted a name that meant something in relation to the loss, and how it has changed me. I have been trying to find comfort in the fact that everything happens for a reason. I don't understand it at this point, and in fact, I am still pretty angry with God. My anger though *has* toned down quite a bit, and I am able to be thankful that the loss was earlier in the pregnancy, rather than later. But, I'm still very emotional ( I can seriously cry at anything anymore! ), and still struggling with my feelings about everything.
Thankfully, I have been told that my ongoing ( even now, after this time ) emotions are normal. I just wish they had a manual for these things. I am trying desperately to focus on the things in my life that I can be joyful for, and thankful for. Some days are easier than others, for sure.
Not that thinking about my baby takes any effort, but tomorrow I will be remembering him, as I remember the precious little ones lost by my friends, and fellow women around the world. Take a moment to remember yours as well ... or if you have been blessed to have never lost one, take some time to remember your friends/family who have.
In memory of:
And all of the other unnamed little ones that my friends have lost.