The past few weeks has been a whirlwind of excitement, anticipation, shock, and hard work. In the end of May, we went out to Southern Utah because my hubby had 2 job interviews. I have friends there, and had visited and loved it. Compared to here, everything is amazing. Lower cost of living, cleaner environment, very family oriented. It all lined up so perfectly, we have no doubt that it's God. The very next day after interviewing, DH found out that he was being offered one of the jobs. We then went looking at a few houses, apartments, and townhomes...and fell in *love* with a house. I was sure we wouldn't qualify, as our credit is so bad from our years of working for companies who have gone bankrupt, and poor financial management as very young married people. Well, within three hours of turning in the rental application, we got a call and found out that we were approved! I couldn't believe it. Seriously, everything lined up so beautifully.
What's also an answer to my personal prayers - Utah is an *amazing* state for midwifery. Licensure is optional, and I won't have to be "underground" in order to serve the women who need it most. Imagine this - I can actually put my name out there! I'm beyond thrilled about this. It has been such a hard road this past year, and even though I really felt like God was calling me to serve women here the way that I have, it will be very nice to be able to be open and "out there". :) I'm a bit anxious about how it will all pan out. I will be new to the area, and my very good ( best ) friend is a midwife in the area as well, and she's an awesome midwife. She has a great client base already, and has new consultations all the time. I'm just praying that eventually I will build a good reputation there.
I will also be a bit limited in about 9 months or so, as the other big part of my news is that I just found out that we are expecting baby #4. It was not planned, but not prevented either. I have pretty much been "infertile" for 3 1/2 years now. We have not used birth control, nor have we really been careful. This will be my largest gap in between babies - my youngest will be over 4 when this one is born. I am excited about being able to enjoy one baby this time. My 2nd child was only 20 months old when I had my youngest. That was a hard time period for me. I am also excited, as I plan to cloth diaper this time, and babywear from day 1. I learned about it a bit late with my youngest.
I have odd fears coming up already, and Lord knows it's far too early for it. I had a successful HBAC with my youngest. I was told that I would surely kill her, or rupture since I had only had a single layer of suturing during my c-section, and I have "large" babies. I switched to home birth plans at 33 weeks. I was terrified, but knew that I couldn't withstand another c-section, particularly if I didn't even try. And, I did it! I was 41 weeks 4 days, she was posterior and 10.10lbs 23" long. I DID IT! I was so ecstatic that I had done it, and that everything had gone well.
So I have these fears creeping up now. There was a woman not so long ago who is a big home birth and UC advocate, and is very outspoken ( in a good way! ) on her blog. She was planning an unassisted birth with this last baby, and her baby ended up being born still. While I and many others mourned for her loss, people ripped her to shreds, saying that she got what she deserved for being so outspoken. They said that her baby doesn't believe in UC. It was horrifying to read how cruel and heartless people were reacting to her tragedy. So, I have to wonder...with as outspoken as I am, am I "asking" for something to go badly? Logically, I know the answer to this. I have faith that if something happens to this baby, that there will be a reason for it. And logically, I know that birth works. I know that VBACs are safe. And I know that my risks have actually decreased since having my successful VBAC. I guess it doesn't stop some of the fears though.
None of these ramblings will change my plans for this birth. It will just be a journey of working through a different set of emotions this time around. Thankfully though, I will not be subjecting myself to Obstetricians or any scare tactics. ;)
Our family is about to change in many, many ways. New state, new friends, new environment along with a new family member sometime in Feb/March. This should be a fantastic adventure!