Friday, March 13, 2009

10 Reasons NOT to Put Kids in Daycare

Ten children at an Arkansas daycare were served windshield washer fluid by a center staffer who found the toxic liquid in a refrigerator and mistook it for a flavored drink.

Read the story here.

Very few parents anymore put any value in staying at home with children. They think it's perfectly okay to have their children raised by someone else during working hours...which is usually from 6:30/7am until roughly 6/6:30pm Monday through Friday. This means that the child is woken up, fed breakfast, kissed goodbye, and picked up in time to have dinner with mom and dad...and then off to bed again. And this is for the parents who only work 5 days a week...some work 6.

The reason most give? "We can't afford for me to stay home." Think about it though. The cost of daycare has increased dramatically, state wages are at a standstill due to the economic chaos going on right now, gas prices ( though they have decreased ) are high, etc. If you cut out the expense of daycare, the expense of driving to and from work everyday, possibly meals out everyday, work clothing ( if you happen to work in a business office ), might be more affordable than you think.

It's no secret that I am very opinionated about women staying home with their children. Babies especially ( My heart breaks for 6, and sometimes even as early as *4* week old babies being dropped off ), but children in general. They don't have their mommy throughout the day. They have a relative ( at best ), or daycare worker. While people pass this off with the standard comments of either "Oh well, I was in daycare as a child and I lived!", or "My child needs a sane mommy, and I can't be sane if I stay home." These are *copouts*. When did our job as a parent, cease to be doing what's best for the CHILD? Daycare is never best for a child. And the selfishness of the sanity comment drives me insane. You had a child, you raise said child. It's really rather simple.

It's also not a secret that I am anti-feminism for the most part. Now, where birth is concerned, that's a different story within the context I am speaking of ( for example, a husband saying no to a home birth...because *he* doesn't feel it's safe, no matter how much research she has done, or how much she *needs* to birth somewhere that is not going to abuse her ). The attitude of feminism has hurt families. Women are no longer happy making a home comfortable for her husband ( provider, very biblical ), and her family. SHE has to feel fulfilled by the corporate world, apparently. And sadly, the corporate world doesn't care about her. She's just another number. She's just another face. However, to her child...she's everything. And she's abandoning the one who sees her as his feel better about herself as a human. See where I'm going?

My children are woken up by me every morning. They can hang out in pajamas if they want to. We have movie days, and learning days ( like field trips ), art days, and just fun days. We have lazy days, productive days...and they always have me here to cuddle them, kiss a boo-boo, answer important kiddie philosophical questions ( like where does God live? )...all of the things that children NEED in order to thrive. They have my absolute attention when they need it. They do not have to raise their hand, or catch a daycare worker at a quiet moment in order to get a pressing question answered, or some extra comfort. They have me.

People put too little thought into what is done to our children. I have written about the maternal-child disconnect before ( maybe I'll resurrect that post ), and it's true. It starts in pregnancy. Mom looks to the doctor for answers, instead of going inside of herself to see what's going on with her body, and doing her own research. Mom relies on doctor to tell her when she will have baby ( arbitrary cervical checks that can do more harm than good ), allows herself to be talked into an induction ( forces baby out before baby and mom's body are ready...often resulting in a cesarean section ), an epidural ( because god forbid she feel the sensations of labor and birth...cuts off any active communication between herself and baby in unable to feel the urge to push, or push effectively...often results in instrumental delivery or cesarean ), mom sending baby to nursery so she can sleep ( selfish, abandoning baby when baby should be in mom's arms, at mom's breast ), mom chooses to formula feed ( selfish again, unless she's truly in the less than 2% ) and we can't say anything because we have to be effing 'PC' about women making selfish choices, mom chooses to go to work and abandon baby in daycare/relative's house......

Do you see the trend?

I've gone off on a really long tangent. LOL My whole point in this post was to talk about 10 poor children who were given WASHER FLUID to drink. They each drank about an ounce...and they are ages *2* - 6. Yes, it was likely a horrible mistake. But would YOU have given your child washer fluid if you had been home with him/her? Probably not.

Let's face it. No one can take care of our children like we can. Like we should.


Anonymous said...

My baby isn't due for another six weeks but every once in awhile I want to go on this same rant. I was working full time and at first I thought I would just put the kid in daycare and go back as soon as my maternity leave was up. It didn't take long for me to realize that I wanted to raise my own child. On another note, I used to think I was anti-feminist too, until I took a feminist theory class. Turns out that I'm all about the feminism of equal rights, but I refuse to listen to the feminism of emancipation that tells me my womanhood is a curse and that my success needs to be measured by how well I do in a man's world.

Haylee said...

Well said! Thank you for posting that. I have a 14 month old girl and I am currently student teaching just so I can finish my degree and have no intentions of teaching this coming year because I NEED to be home with my daughter, and she NEEDS me to be home with her and it is best for our family all around. In fact, I feel more "sane" when I am home and able to make sure everyone in my family is happy and well taken care of and it gives me more time for my outlets that keep me happy too.

Sometimes I feel bombarded from women on the other side who "look down" on me for my decision and although they'll never change my mind, it is good to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way.

As for this current semester, luckily my husband has been able to be home with her for these long three months and we've even been able to continue nursing (just not on demand) when I'm home. I'll be done in three weeks and I can't wait for productive days and lazy days and artistic days and science days, etc.

Anonymous said...

Well said!

Judging from your post, you'd probably like the blog "What Women Never Hear." It's one of my favorites.


Amber said...

I know this is so far from the point of your awesome blog...but who the heck puts washer fluid in the refrigerator?????

Mrs. G said...

Excellent post! I am a stay at home, home schooling Mama to my 8 kiddos, God's ways are so perfect why do we think we can improve on them? Our little ones sleep with us, breastfeed, get cloth diapered and loved so much more than I could *pay* anyone else to. Brava!

Anonymous said...

I am just curious, as a midwife and a mom, when do you have time to see your clients? If you are at home for all of your children's needs, you can't possibly meet the needs of your practice as well. Births occur at all times, inconvenient times too. How do you get there and be with your children too?

Christine Fiscer, Traditional Midwife said...

DJGuppy - it's quite easy. I do all of my prenatals on my husband's days off. Before we moved 600 miles from home, grandma watched my kids when I had births.

I do not have an extremely busy practice, as of yet. It's never been an issue whatsoever. :) I have been able to meet my clients' needs just fine.

Christine Fiscer, Traditional Midwife said...

The time that I leave my children with family or trusted friends for births, is an extremely small fraction of the time that I am with them. Many times, births occur at night when they are sound asleep in bed, and I am home with them in the morning.

markchela said...

My mother was a homebirth midwife here in Australia for 25 years. She was/is a very well-known and highly reputable home-birth midwife in the area and as such had many clients at any given time and a very successful practice. She saw her clients in her home-office and took me with her to many births while I was too young to stay home. Because of this I have seen a whole side to birthing that not many people get to see and have witnessed some amazing things. I am now the proud mother to a 5 month old son that my mother delivered in my home after a 3 day labor (a **normal** length labor!!).
Natural childbirth is a beautiful thing :)

Melynda said...

I think you need to take everyone as an individual and leave it up to the woman to make her own decision. Sometimes, when we are new to the birthing experience we don;t know what is 'best' for us. I was forced into being induced by the hospital! I told them I didn't want it but I felt like i had no choice. I didn't WANT an epidural either but the labour pains from the drugs they gave me were too intense and I needed something for the pain. You people that write these blogs seem to be judgmental of others instead of letting women do what is best for them. If it is a choice between a few days of childcare and a mental breakdown maybe it's ok to put your bub in childcare for a few hours a week without feeling like you are a heartless non loving monster!!!

jess said...

I couldn't just sit on the anti-feminism thing. Why does it have to be Mom who is home with the baby? My dad worked from home when I was little, and I effectively had a stay at home dad. I agree that in an ideal world it's best for someone to stay home with the kids, but it doesn't HAVE to be Mom. I think that your subscription is part of what lets men cop out on being involved fathers if you're kicking him out of the house to be the breadwinner because obviously Mom is the only person who can be an effective parent. I also probably spent half my time with my grandparents, who lived less than a mile away - because of these things, I have healthier relationships with men as an adult and don't get uncomfortable around the elderly like many of my peers (I am in my mid-20s).

Feminism isn't just about getting women out into the corporate world - it's about creating an environment where women can make their own choices without having to feel bad about them. Although after reading the last year or so from your blog, it looks like you might have a hard time reserving judgment.

mary said...

Thank you for this post. It is an absolute breath of fresh air. I vowed to never put my child in daycare after visiting one in college and was horrified by the Eastern-block orphanage like atmosphere I encountered. Rows of infants lined up in cribs. Is this really how far we've come? I informed my now husband that I will never even entertain the idea of daycare so he'd better bring home the bacon or we're seriously downsizing. I would sell off every material thing I own before I dumped my kid in the care of strangers. It is a simple fact that no one will ever love your child as much as you. Why is this so hard to comprehend? Why do women continue to delude themselves that they are "fulfulled" toiling away day after day earning a wage rather than looking after the miracle that is their child. I get down right depressed sometimes because I realize that I'm in a minority. And yes, I work outside the home part-time, but only when my husband is home to take over and when my baby became a toddler. I'm stunned by the number of women who complacently dump their babies off from 7am to 6pm and just accept it as the status quo. Why have kids?? Why??
Like you my big cringe catch phrase is "socialization." Such as, "my baby really benefits from the socialization." Really???? Does an infant need socialization from other infants ? I don't think these moms really grasp how absolutely moronic they sound. Obviously they've never taken a human development class or were assigned "Lord of the Flies" in the seventh grade. And is it really a desirable thing for your child to be so improperly bonded that they'll glom on to anyone? Sheesh. Thank you, again. Yours is an important message. It needs to be shared. I am so glad that I am not alone.