Sunday, June 17, 2012

Honesty and Ethics

One thing that I value probably far above most other things in my relationships (spouse, family, friends) is honesty. Due to some emotional events when I was a teenager, I developed the inability to put up with bullshit. And yes, I cursed. I won't apologize for the word used, because it fits this all too well. One thing that I cannot tolerate is dishonesty, manipulation, or flat out underhandedness.

If you're an adult - for crying out loud, act like one. If you don't want to get caught in bad behavior, in a lie, in treating a friend in a really crappy way, or lying about your "competition"'s simple. Don't. Do. It. Don't lie to avoid having to take responsibility for your words or behavior. If you're going to say or do something, make sure it's something that you can stand by.

I fully admit that sometimes I speak badly about people. Sometimes I'm not so nice when I see someone else treating people badly, or I see stupidity spill out into one's behavior. However, I only say things about people that I would say directly to them. And no, that's not a justification for speaking badly of someone or gossiping. But I'm human. And I make sure that I can take responsibility for my words and behavior if/when I get called out on it.

This is called being a big girl.

I also have the inability to pretend that everything is okay when it's not. I have seen memes on the internet which say that it is the adult thing to do (and it not being fake), but while I can be civil and professional, I cannot pretend like things are honky dory if you've treated me like crap. And especially lately with my experience of calling people out on behavior towards me, and flat out being lied to. I know the truth. You know the truth. You know I know the truth. And yet, you still lie to me. All to avoid further confrontation and acceptance of responsibility for really crappy behavior. Really?!

I recently found out that a Midwife in town - Elizabeth Camp Smith - has been telling women that I am UNTRAINED, DANGEROUS, and INEXPERIENCED with VBAC. This is 100% untrue. I have the proof to back up the fact that I am trained (and trained by the best!) in a wide variety of birth possibilities - like VBAC, twins, breech babies, hemorrhages, shoulder dystocias, etc - and I have the references of former clients, both VBAC and non alike, to back up my experience. I have b een living and breathing VBAC research for the past 7 years. In fact, I actually discussed VBAC research with this particular Midwife on a midwifery list, and she flat out admitted that she doesn't think following medical research is relevant to her. Hmm. Interesting.

I am not lying down and giving up yet. This Midwife was notified that if she continued to slander my name, she would hear from my attorney. And really? I hate attorney involvement. I think it's ridiculous to have to "tattle" in an adult way. But what else can be done when the other party is underhanded, lies, manipulates, and is threatening your "business"?

The people-pleaser in me wants to apologize for the angry post. But I can't apologize for feeling the way that I do. Being screwed over (and I watched my language there!) sucks. Especially when it's by friends, or it has to do with your calling/profession/business.

I am trying to move on, and clear any toxic people from my life.  I don't need, nor do I want, drama of any kind unless it's in my favorite television shows.  ;)   I am tired of letting it affect me.

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