Some may think it completely odd that I get emotional and sentimental over the anniversary of Noah's delivery, and my cesarean. And some years are more difficult than others, for whatever reason. My husband even will tell me to knock it off, because I admit that it's a self-led walk down memory lane, remembering this day each year.
Five years ago today, at this very moment, I was in the hospital for pre-op stuff. I had been told to come in by my new OB, to have another ultrasound done to check for Noah's maturity. Apparently they were looking for the "practice breathing", and for vernix floating in the water. Knowing what I know now, I look back at myself and fully realize how naive and gullible I was. In the time that I was there, I also had an NST. It was during the NST that my OB noticed regular contractions. He checked me, and found me to be a stretchy 4cm. He announced that apparently my son was not waiting for the scheduled cesarean tomorrow, and that I would undergo surgery as soon as everything was prepped. I was so nervous.
It was supposed to be totally uneventful. A simple procedure to deliver the son that was too big to be safely birthed by me. He was supposed to be big and healthy. After the doctor announced that Noah was out, I waited for the cries. And waited. My husband explained that they were working on him on the warming table. I heard some gurgles, and then finally those cries. But they were different than what I remember Kaitlyn's being. The hardest part was, I was struggling to stay awake. The anesthesiologist gave me something in my IV to help with anxiety. Apparently some women don't care about seeing the instruments that were to be used on their body, or cry when they sit on the OR table for the first time.
They announced that he needed a bit more help, held him to me for a quick few seconds to kiss ( I have a picture of this - he was quite gray )...and then took him out. I went in and out of sleep as the OB sutured and closed me. The only thing that I remember from recovery is something that has haunted me for five years. The neonatologist that was taking care of Noah that day, came in and explained to me that he had had two seizures after delivery. They didn't know why. He wanted me to sign a consent form for them to do a spinal tap on my newborn son.
But that's not what haunted me. As drugged up as I was, I vividly remember signing it, thinking that it was no big deal. Thinking that they would handle everything, and that I would see Noah soon. I was too drugged up to be worried about my son. Most people think that this is very silly. But, in reality, the favorite passtime of a mom is to worry about her children. It's our job in life. We're supposed to make sure that they're safe, and when they're not, be worrying and praying and waiting on bated breath to hear word. I wasn't. I was too drugged. My son was laying in the NICU, with strangers rushing around him, bright lights, beeping machines, gloved hands, and his body under assault...and I was falling asleep. This has been one of the more guilt-induced memories of my cesarean. I didn't know any better when it came down to choosing a totally unnecessary c-section. I didn't know that it was unnecessary. I thought that I was doing the best I could for him. But *every* mom worries about a sick child. And I couldn't even do that.
My Noah is now mostly healthy ( he's the first one to get sick, and it lasts the longest for him...I truly believe this is residual from his problems at delivery and the 9 day NICU stay ), kind, happy, humorous, outgoing, and adventurous. Many people have said "At least he's healthy now!". Yes, I agree. I'm grateful that he is healthy now, and didn't suffer any permanent damage from my stupid choice that day five years ago. But it doesn't change what happened, and it doesn't change my feelings about it.
The situation with my c-section, and Noah ending up in the NICU, was a catalyst in my life. It caused me to research like crazy in my next pregnancy. Ultimately, it is what led me to my own home birth, and then to my path as a Midwife. I know that without Noah ending up in the NICU, I would have happily signed up for a repeat cesarean for Megan. Had everything been fine, I would have thought nothing of it. My cesarean recovery was as uneventful as a surgical recovery can be. At the point when I got pregnant with Megan, my lasting problems hadn't been as severe as they are now ( PCOS, adhesions, etc ). So this is why I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. However, sometimes it sucks to go through that life-changing events. Not all catalysts are exciting and happy.
Each time I hear of a story where a woman undergoes an unnecessary c-section, my heart aches. Because I know that unless something even slightly dramatic happens with her or baby, she's likely to choose a repeat cesarean the next time around, rather than research, learn to do things differently than the first time, and *give birth* the way her body was designed for...and give her next baby a healthier birth.
Happy Birthday Noah. While words will never be able to fully express my sorrow over my choices that led to you being so sick, I want to thank you for being my son. Thank you for the change that you have caused in my life, and in turn, being able to help other women give their babies a healthier start in life.
Love you buddy.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Natural News
I got this from a friend on Facebook, and *had* to repost. Thanks Amber!
(NaturalNews)
If you talk to many people about health, medications, toxic chemicals and food, you'll quickly come to realize that most people have very little knowledge of reality in these areas. And yet, ignorance is often bliss because these people can just wolf down a cheeseburger, get vaccine shots, drink fluoridated water and take all sorts of toxic chemical medications without even a hint of concern (that is, until a few years later when all the toxic build-up starts to kill them).So as a public service to those individuals who might want to rid their minds of any knowledge of true health and live their lives as members of the ignorant masses (a la being "plugged back into the Matrix"), I've put together a mind wiping recipe that you can freely use to join the ranks of all the doctors, journalists, politicians and consumers who think there's nothing wrong with exposing yourself to an unlimited number of toxic chemicals from multiple sources.Just follow these simple directions and your mind will be wiped clean in no time:
Step 1:Stand in front of a mirror, with your hands placed calmly at your side.
Step 2:Look into the reflection and focus on your own eyes. Take three deep breaths to eliminate any tension.
Step 3:Repeat the following mantras three times each:
"America has the best health care in the world."
"The FDA is my friend."
"Synthetic chemicals are good for me."
"Pharmaceuticals are priced in a fair way that helps drug companies afford to find new cures."
"Food comes from factories, not dirt."
"Food and drug corporations are looking out for my best interests."
"Vaccines protect me from evil germs."
"Fluoride is good for me."
"If we all would just buy more products that donate money to the Susan G. Komen pink ribbon cancer research fund, a cure for cancer would be readily found. (The only reason cancer hasn't been cured yet is because not enough people go shopping.)"
"The more pharmaceuticals I take, the healthier I will get."
"The human body only needs calories, not nutrition, to survive."
"My genes are faulty and I was born deficient in patented chemicals. These chemical imbalances must be corrected through pharmaceutical intervention."
"The sun is my enemy. I must fear it at all times."
"Dead, cooked foods are nutritional equivalent to live foods."
"There is no such thing as a dangerous ingredient in personal care products. If chemicals were dangerous, the FDA would never allow them to be used."
"My purpose in life is to conform to the wishes of authority figures."
"The planet is able to absorb an unlimited amount of pollution from human activity. There is no cause for concern."
"Global warming is a hoax. Human activity has no effect on the climate."
"Man has conquered nature. We no longer need to concern ourselves with learning from or protecting nature. Whatever we need can be invented in a lab."
"The way to prosperity requires the use of genetically-modified foods and patented seed technologies controlled by caring, compassionate corporations like Monsanto."
"Pregnancy is a disease requiring immediate medical intervention. Childbirth is an unnatural and traumatic experience necessitating urgent hospital care."
"Drug ads are a good source of information about health."
"Doctors are well informed about how to stay healthy."
"Medical schools teach doctors how to care for fellow human beings."
"Medical journals print only reliable, scientifically-validated information that can be counted on to be true. It's peer-reviewed, after all."
"Any surgery suggested by a surgeon must be medically necessary; otherwise he would not have suggested it."
"The foods I choose to eat have no effect whatsoever on my health outcome. Sickness or health is determined solely by luck or genes."
Step 4:Repeat these mantra until you have convinced yourself they are absolutely true. You now qualify to be a conventional doctor or a medical journal editor.
Step 5:Now that your mind is wiped clean, turn on the television and refill the empty spaces in your brain with TV programming. Pay special attention to the commercials, which will provide valuable information that you can really trust!
Those are the five simple steps. You are now ready to rejoin mainstream society where you can eat meals with your family without any hesitation about what's actually in the food. You can now shop for cosmetics at Wal-Mart, or eat beef jerky purchased at a Quick-Mart. You can eat cheeseburgers and milkshakes. No more worries!
Plug yourself back into the Matrix, and live out the rest of your life in a comfortable state of ignorant bliss. You will find lots of support from family and friends, by the way, who will greatly enjoy watching you become just as obese and diseased as they are!
By the way, after you've wiped your mind clean, don't forget to register to vote!
(NaturalNews)
If you talk to many people about health, medications, toxic chemicals and food, you'll quickly come to realize that most people have very little knowledge of reality in these areas. And yet, ignorance is often bliss because these people can just wolf down a cheeseburger, get vaccine shots, drink fluoridated water and take all sorts of toxic chemical medications without even a hint of concern (that is, until a few years later when all the toxic build-up starts to kill them).So as a public service to those individuals who might want to rid their minds of any knowledge of true health and live their lives as members of the ignorant masses (a la being "plugged back into the Matrix"), I've put together a mind wiping recipe that you can freely use to join the ranks of all the doctors, journalists, politicians and consumers who think there's nothing wrong with exposing yourself to an unlimited number of toxic chemicals from multiple sources.Just follow these simple directions and your mind will be wiped clean in no time:
Step 1:Stand in front of a mirror, with your hands placed calmly at your side.
Step 2:Look into the reflection and focus on your own eyes. Take three deep breaths to eliminate any tension.
Step 3:Repeat the following mantras three times each:
"America has the best health care in the world."
"The FDA is my friend."
"Synthetic chemicals are good for me."
"Pharmaceuticals are priced in a fair way that helps drug companies afford to find new cures."
"Food comes from factories, not dirt."
"Food and drug corporations are looking out for my best interests."
"Vaccines protect me from evil germs."
"Fluoride is good for me."
"If we all would just buy more products that donate money to the Susan G. Komen pink ribbon cancer research fund, a cure for cancer would be readily found. (The only reason cancer hasn't been cured yet is because not enough people go shopping.)"
"The more pharmaceuticals I take, the healthier I will get."
"The human body only needs calories, not nutrition, to survive."
"My genes are faulty and I was born deficient in patented chemicals. These chemical imbalances must be corrected through pharmaceutical intervention."
"The sun is my enemy. I must fear it at all times."
"Dead, cooked foods are nutritional equivalent to live foods."
"There is no such thing as a dangerous ingredient in personal care products. If chemicals were dangerous, the FDA would never allow them to be used."
"My purpose in life is to conform to the wishes of authority figures."
"The planet is able to absorb an unlimited amount of pollution from human activity. There is no cause for concern."
"Global warming is a hoax. Human activity has no effect on the climate."
"Man has conquered nature. We no longer need to concern ourselves with learning from or protecting nature. Whatever we need can be invented in a lab."
"The way to prosperity requires the use of genetically-modified foods and patented seed technologies controlled by caring, compassionate corporations like Monsanto."
"Pregnancy is a disease requiring immediate medical intervention. Childbirth is an unnatural and traumatic experience necessitating urgent hospital care."
"Drug ads are a good source of information about health."
"Doctors are well informed about how to stay healthy."
"Medical schools teach doctors how to care for fellow human beings."
"Medical journals print only reliable, scientifically-validated information that can be counted on to be true. It's peer-reviewed, after all."
"Any surgery suggested by a surgeon must be medically necessary; otherwise he would not have suggested it."
"The foods I choose to eat have no effect whatsoever on my health outcome. Sickness or health is determined solely by luck or genes."
Step 4:Repeat these mantra until you have convinced yourself they are absolutely true. You now qualify to be a conventional doctor or a medical journal editor.
Step 5:Now that your mind is wiped clean, turn on the television and refill the empty spaces in your brain with TV programming. Pay special attention to the commercials, which will provide valuable information that you can really trust!
Those are the five simple steps. You are now ready to rejoin mainstream society where you can eat meals with your family without any hesitation about what's actually in the food. You can now shop for cosmetics at Wal-Mart, or eat beef jerky purchased at a Quick-Mart. You can eat cheeseburgers and milkshakes. No more worries!
Plug yourself back into the Matrix, and live out the rest of your life in a comfortable state of ignorant bliss. You will find lots of support from family and friends, by the way, who will greatly enjoy watching you become just as obese and diseased as they are!
By the way, after you've wiped your mind clean, don't forget to register to vote!
Friday, March 13, 2009
10 Reasons NOT to Put Kids in Daycare
Ten children at an Arkansas daycare were served windshield washer fluid by a center staffer who found the toxic liquid in a refrigerator and mistook it for a flavored drink.
Read the story here.
Very few parents anymore put any value in staying at home with children. They think it's perfectly okay to have their children raised by someone else during working hours...which is usually from 6:30/7am until roughly 6/6:30pm Monday through Friday. This means that the child is woken up, fed breakfast, kissed goodbye, and picked up in time to have dinner with mom and dad...and then off to bed again. And this is for the parents who only work 5 days a week...some work 6.
The reason most give? "We can't afford for me to stay home." Think about it though. The cost of daycare has increased dramatically, state wages are at a standstill due to the economic chaos going on right now, gas prices ( though they have decreased ) are high, etc. If you cut out the expense of daycare, the expense of driving to and from work everyday, possibly meals out everyday, work clothing ( if you happen to work in a business office ), etc...it might be more affordable than you think.
It's no secret that I am very opinionated about women staying home with their children. Babies especially ( My heart breaks for 6, and sometimes even as early as *4* week old babies being dropped off ), but children in general. They don't have their mommy throughout the day. They have a relative ( at best ), or daycare worker. While people pass this off with the standard comments of either "Oh well, I was in daycare as a child and I lived!", or "My child needs a sane mommy, and I can't be sane if I stay home." These are *copouts*. When did our job as a parent, cease to be doing what's best for the CHILD? Daycare is never best for a child. And the selfishness of the sanity comment drives me insane. You had a child, you raise said child. It's really rather simple.
It's also not a secret that I am anti-feminism for the most part. Now, where birth is concerned, that's a different story within the context I am speaking of ( for example, a husband saying no to a home birth...because *he* doesn't feel it's safe, no matter how much research she has done, or how much she *needs* to birth somewhere that is not going to abuse her ). The attitude of feminism has hurt families. Women are no longer happy making a home comfortable for her husband ( provider, very biblical ), and her family. SHE has to feel fulfilled by the corporate world, apparently. And sadly, the corporate world doesn't care about her. She's just another number. She's just another face. However, to her child...she's everything. And she's abandoning the one who sees her as his world...to feel better about herself as a human. See where I'm going?
My children are woken up by me every morning. They can hang out in pajamas if they want to. We have movie days, and learning days ( like field trips ), art days, and just fun days. We have lazy days, productive days...and they always have me here to cuddle them, kiss a boo-boo, answer important kiddie philosophical questions ( like where does God live? )...all of the things that children NEED in order to thrive. They have my absolute attention when they need it. They do not have to raise their hand, or catch a daycare worker at a quiet moment in order to get a pressing question answered, or some extra comfort. They have me.
People put too little thought into what is done to our children. I have written about the maternal-child disconnect before ( maybe I'll resurrect that post ), and it's true. It starts in pregnancy. Mom looks to the doctor for answers, instead of going inside of herself to see what's going on with her body, and doing her own research. Mom relies on doctor to tell her when she will have baby ( arbitrary cervical checks that can do more harm than good ), allows herself to be talked into an induction ( forces baby out before baby and mom's body are ready...often resulting in a cesarean section ), an epidural ( because god forbid she feel the sensations of labor and birth...cuts off any active communication between herself and baby in labor...is unable to feel the urge to push, or push effectively...often results in instrumental delivery or cesarean ), mom sending baby to nursery so she can sleep ( selfish, abandoning baby when baby should be in mom's arms, at mom's breast ), mom chooses to formula feed ( selfish again, unless she's truly in the less than 2% ) and we can't say anything because we have to be effing 'PC' about women making selfish choices, mom chooses to go to work and abandon baby in daycare/relative's house......
Do you see the trend?
I've gone off on a really long tangent. LOL My whole point in this post was to talk about 10 poor children who were given WASHER FLUID to drink. They each drank about an ounce...and they are ages *2* - 6. Yes, it was likely a horrible mistake. But would YOU have given your child washer fluid if you had been home with him/her? Probably not.
Let's face it. No one can take care of our children like we can. Like we should.
Read the story here.
Very few parents anymore put any value in staying at home with children. They think it's perfectly okay to have their children raised by someone else during working hours...which is usually from 6:30/7am until roughly 6/6:30pm Monday through Friday. This means that the child is woken up, fed breakfast, kissed goodbye, and picked up in time to have dinner with mom and dad...and then off to bed again. And this is for the parents who only work 5 days a week...some work 6.
The reason most give? "We can't afford for me to stay home." Think about it though. The cost of daycare has increased dramatically, state wages are at a standstill due to the economic chaos going on right now, gas prices ( though they have decreased ) are high, etc. If you cut out the expense of daycare, the expense of driving to and from work everyday, possibly meals out everyday, work clothing ( if you happen to work in a business office ), etc...it might be more affordable than you think.
It's no secret that I am very opinionated about women staying home with their children. Babies especially ( My heart breaks for 6, and sometimes even as early as *4* week old babies being dropped off ), but children in general. They don't have their mommy throughout the day. They have a relative ( at best ), or daycare worker. While people pass this off with the standard comments of either "Oh well, I was in daycare as a child and I lived!", or "My child needs a sane mommy, and I can't be sane if I stay home." These are *copouts*. When did our job as a parent, cease to be doing what's best for the CHILD? Daycare is never best for a child. And the selfishness of the sanity comment drives me insane. You had a child, you raise said child. It's really rather simple.
It's also not a secret that I am anti-feminism for the most part. Now, where birth is concerned, that's a different story within the context I am speaking of ( for example, a husband saying no to a home birth...because *he* doesn't feel it's safe, no matter how much research she has done, or how much she *needs* to birth somewhere that is not going to abuse her ). The attitude of feminism has hurt families. Women are no longer happy making a home comfortable for her husband ( provider, very biblical ), and her family. SHE has to feel fulfilled by the corporate world, apparently. And sadly, the corporate world doesn't care about her. She's just another number. She's just another face. However, to her child...she's everything. And she's abandoning the one who sees her as his world...to feel better about herself as a human. See where I'm going?
My children are woken up by me every morning. They can hang out in pajamas if they want to. We have movie days, and learning days ( like field trips ), art days, and just fun days. We have lazy days, productive days...and they always have me here to cuddle them, kiss a boo-boo, answer important kiddie philosophical questions ( like where does God live? )...all of the things that children NEED in order to thrive. They have my absolute attention when they need it. They do not have to raise their hand, or catch a daycare worker at a quiet moment in order to get a pressing question answered, or some extra comfort. They have me.
People put too little thought into what is done to our children. I have written about the maternal-child disconnect before ( maybe I'll resurrect that post ), and it's true. It starts in pregnancy. Mom looks to the doctor for answers, instead of going inside of herself to see what's going on with her body, and doing her own research. Mom relies on doctor to tell her when she will have baby ( arbitrary cervical checks that can do more harm than good ), allows herself to be talked into an induction ( forces baby out before baby and mom's body are ready...often resulting in a cesarean section ), an epidural ( because god forbid she feel the sensations of labor and birth...cuts off any active communication between herself and baby in labor...is unable to feel the urge to push, or push effectively...often results in instrumental delivery or cesarean ), mom sending baby to nursery so she can sleep ( selfish, abandoning baby when baby should be in mom's arms, at mom's breast ), mom chooses to formula feed ( selfish again, unless she's truly in the less than 2% ) and we can't say anything because we have to be effing 'PC' about women making selfish choices, mom chooses to go to work and abandon baby in daycare/relative's house......
Do you see the trend?
I've gone off on a really long tangent. LOL My whole point in this post was to talk about 10 poor children who were given WASHER FLUID to drink. They each drank about an ounce...and they are ages *2* - 6. Yes, it was likely a horrible mistake. But would YOU have given your child washer fluid if you had been home with him/her? Probably not.
Let's face it. No one can take care of our children like we can. Like we should.
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